Fun Times!

So, this past week was pretty much falling into the suck column. That is until yesterday, some friends talked me into going out yesterday afternoon. I know what you're thinking, how was I suppose to managed that in the middle of the day with all you humans scampering about. I asked the very same question. Turns out there was a "Horror Convention" in town, Splattercon 2014 all things horror! Booths, Panels with guest speakers, all the memorabilia you can imagine. Best of all, costumes. Why had I not thought about this before? Every single one of these conventions, whether it be horror, comic book, or whatever, they have tons of people dressed up in the most ridiculous of costumes! I figured no problem, we can do this. I was a little apprehensive about it when we first got to the place, but no one batted any eye as we walked in. Everyone just assumed we were cosplayers. Lets face it, you're average geek isn't going to be able to manufacture anything that looks as remarkable as me. There was three of us, and my two friends are pretty much normal height to you people. Me on the other had I'm not quite eight feet tall, I don't look that tall because I slouch and hunch my shoulders. Walking around was a bit awkward, I'm pretty light on my feet and I can move quickly and smoothly. We didn't want to give ourselves away so we had to exaggerate our movements and move around clumsily to it looked like we were wearing rubber suits, me especially. You see, I have really long arms and fingers and I had to make it look as those they were fake. In fact I could only use one of them, I had to leave my other arm dangling at my side. Because of my height I thought it best to make them think my head was a puppet, kind of like Big Bird. Sorry if I spoiled that for anyone, but Big Bird works on the same principal I was going for. Giant suit over small person, one hand working an arm and the other raised high above his head, working the eyes and mouth of the oversize puppet he was in. We had a great time, people totally bought it. All day people would ask me what I used me make such a monstrosity, mostly I'd answer with something like foam latex and fun fur. Occasionally I bellow "WITH TEARS OF THE WICKED AND SOULS OF THE DAMNED!!!" I usually got a lot of laughs, oh and the pictures, everybody wanted their pictures taken with me. I'm sorry for their efforts, but we can't be photographed. Just like Bigfoot and Nessie, every time you try to capture one of us on film it comes out all over exposed and blurry. I know its weird, but we don't know why that happens either, just does.  Like I said, we had a great time and towards the end of the day there was a big costume contest. My friends talked me into entering, I figured I was a shoo in for the win right? Wrong! I took fifth place, really ?!? I came in behind Pin-Head, Cousin It, some chick dressed like Vampirella(ok she was hot, I'll let that one slide) and the winner was the Invisible Man, yep, I was beaten by some ass in a trench coat and fedora wearing sunglasses and an ace bandage wrapped around his head. Pitiful! One of the judges, suppose to be some famous movie monster guy, Jones something or other, I don't know, I've never heard of him. Anyway, he said I didn't look realistic enough, he could see the edges around my neck and I came off as campy. That guy wouldn't know what a real monster looked like if one bit him on the ass, and believe me I could have that arranged.

Looking back and foward

So I found out yesterday that a once close friend had passed on. I say once close because like most friends, after awhile, you tend to lose touch with them. We move away and we move on, it's just life. Well, we used to live together with one other friend. We lived with this large family, they had several children over the years. It was one of the best times of my life, some of my best memories are of being in that house. The children were the best, messy, always fighting, but they started growing up. When that happens, we have to leave, go out and find other children. That's how we live, through children's fear, excitement, their belief that at any moment that something could lunge out of the dark corners of their imagination and drag them off to oblivion. Children grow up, they stop believing, we stop being. Now, the older kids and adults do help up out from time to time with the younger generation, what with the "Watcher in the Wood's" and "The Boogey Man" stories, but when the last child stops being scared or amazed, we have to move on. Sometimes, some of us get attached to a child. We become invested in them, we're like an invisible parent, just out of sight rooting for them to succeed. When that happens and we stay to long, we start to fade, or so they say. No one really knows because we've haven't experienced it...yet. Some say you slowly fade away, others say it's just POOF! one second you're there and the next you're not. I've heard we start shedding and flaking until we're nothing but a pile of dust and rubbish to forever be mingled in with the trash we live in. It doesn't matter how it happens, it only matters that is does. I'm getting older now and it seems that more and more of us are going the way of the trash heap. I remember when I was younger and all I wanted was for the future to hurry up and get here. Why not, I had all the time in the world, my path stretched out before me so far that I knew there was no end. Now, it's all I can do to keep facing that direction. Sometimes I feel like I'm cresting the last hill and I see the finish line up ahead. To late did I realize that I wasn't in a race. I should have been taking a leisurely stroll, stopping often to enjoy the view. Now, I'm constantly glancing back trying to catch a glimpse of something I might have missed. Oh well, enough gloom and depression from me for one day. Here's to you my friend, no matter where we go or how we get there. May our paths cross again in this world or the next. I'm gonna miss Josh.

Post Meeting

So yeah, I didn't get my one month chip. It's all good though, I'm working through it and I'll have it by next month. Of course it helps that this child is not at all appetizing. His flavor to me would be the equivalent to you eating a sardine and liver mush sandwich with slices of soap for bread. So, I'm not going to be nibbling on that one anytime soon. I know what you're thinking, "OH MY GOD HE EATS CHILDREN!!" Well yeah, of course I do, hello, Monster! That's kind of our thing, but I'm trying. I want to be more than that, there's more to me than eating and scaring children. I have hopes, dreams and aspirations just like all of you, but you people just can't get past the eating children. Ok, fine you want to know why we eat children? It's because they damn tasty! The dirtier the better, I don't just mean unwashed, I mean spoiled, nasty little brats. That's like Kobe beef to us, I once massaged this lazy little fat kid for a whole year just to get him nice and tender. I'm telling you it doesn't just work on cows. There are a lot of variables that can alter their taste, in fact to many to get into here. Let me tell you though, they say that red heads are a dying breed. That because of their genetics they'll be gone in a generation or two. That's a whole bunch of BS, the fact is they've been over picked, hunted or whatever you want to call it. We've pretty much exhausted the population. They're just so flavorful and spicy, its not just a coincidence they're call "Gingers" MMMMM-MMMMMMMM! Anyway, I'm gonna do better this coming month if it kills me. Well someone is knocking at the door. It must be game time, Good night everyone!

New Home, New Year, New Life

Well, I'm all moved in. I must say my new home is very spacious. The kid has a king size bed, he's eight years old and has a king size bed. Man, I've got like two bed rooms, a living room, small kitchen, and a full bathroom under here, its great! Oh, I should probably clarify that a bit. You see, when you look under the bed all you see is dust bunnies, grime and what ever else is stuck under there. So I can understand how some of you might get a little confused when I gloat about my posh living environment. It's kind of like a "Vortex House" tourist attraction kind of things, it's all about perception. At these places, balls roll up hill, two people of the same height stand next to each other and one looks taller than the other but they're not. All the tricks are easily explained when you're shown out right what exactly it is that you're looking at. The thing is, the average human likes things just the way they are and anything out of the norm is just ignored or it's registered in such a way as to simplify it, hence magic. So, let's just think of it like this, anybody watch Dr. Who? Under the bed is the same as the inside of the Tardis, its just a lot bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Anyway, I've actually got some space now, brought in some furniture, got a nice flat screen with wi-fi hook up of course(cant really have cables running out from under the bed now can we). I got a good feeling about this place. The kid is great, he's got a good taste in music, likes to read so there's tons of books laying around. Since his mom works all the time he's hardly ever in here so I pretty much got free run of the room when I feel like it. My only complaint, the kids a bit of a neat freak, I mean super clean. That means nothing getting shoved under the bed, no food being left out, no trash anywhere. That means I'm gonna have to be extra careful when moving about. A dirty room is easier to hide in. I'm gonna have go shop for myself instead of left overs. Worst of all, with nothing being shoved under the bed, I'm gonna have to go out and forage to keep the cash flowing. No worries there though, I can always hit an orphanage or a foster home. Always lots of kids, it's usually fair game cause nobody wants to live in them for long. Not a lot of high end products but it'll do. Oh yeah, this kid, he's super clean himself. He doesn't go outside and get all mucked up, not a lot of friends I guess. His hand was hanging out from under the covers on my first night here. I couldn't help myself, I licked. I know, I'm trying, its not like I ate him or anything, besides, I wish I hadn't. It took forever to get that taste out of my mouth, all fresh and clean. I think he might have used some sort of scented body wash, it was like licking a bar of Irish Spring, I'm gagging just thinking about it. Anyway, all is good, got my meeting tonight and yes, I'll be relating my little set back. The kid is spending the night at his dad's house and the mom is pulling a double, so I've got some friends coming over later for game night. We're really into this role playing game called Cubicles & Computers, I've got a level 4 Accountant with a +2 File of Collating! I'm hoping he gets a promotion by the time we finish tonight!

Moving Day!!

Well today's the big move. I got my stuff packed, surprisingly I own very little in the way of material possessions. Living my life style doesn't really require that much. I've got my laptop and cell phone(prepaid of course, can't really get down to Verizon to sign a contract), got my clothes and my odds and ends, keepsakes and what-nots. Pretty much everything I own fits neatly in my suitcase and a couple of boxes. Right now I'm just waiting on the postman, I've got several packages for Ebay I need to send out. That's pretty much how I make my money, I sell the stuff that accumulates under your bed. Seriously, you people are constantly pushing things under there and forgetting about it, then when you finally get around to cleaning up you never question why there's nothing under there. You just assume you cleaned it the last time and then you shove more crap under for me. You can't imagine the treasure trove of goodies you people are constantly casting away without further thought. Some people might consider it stealing but I'm sorry, after it sits in my living room for six months and you've bought another one because you're to lazy to look for it, it's mine. I've made tens of thousands of dollars on I-things and hand held gaming devices alone. Comic books are another big seller for me, I've gotten pretty good and handling and restoring them, I could open up my shop I've got so many of them. I bet you're wondering where does he keep all this stuff, there can't possibly be that much space under the bed. Well its a lot bigger than it looks and I've also got a storage unit that I keep the bulk of my loot in. I've got just about three of everything you could imagine, and if I don't have it, I'm sure I know a guy who does. If fact, I know a guy that lives under a sink at a laundry mat. He's got all the left socks you could ever need. Sounds like the mail guy just pick up the goods, so my next post will be from my new digs, I'll let you all know how it goes next week. Until then, check out my online store, its at "RodneyDownUnder", Ebay and occasionally Craigslist.

Not all meetings are the same.

Only two days into the new year and I almost blew it. The kid woke me up at 7:30am in the morning on New Year's Day. He started playing the same Justin Bieber album over and over and over. He finally passed out at about 3:00am this morning. I almost ate him out of spite. I couldn't take it so I called my sponsor this morning, he's looking for a new space for me. I'd take living under the crib of a newborn over having to listen to that again. Anyway, I needed to go to a meeting, I was having cravings and I couldn't shake them. Unfortunately we only meet every two weeks and New Years Eve was our last meeting. My sponsor told me to go out and hit any meeting. So while the kid was out I looked up local meeting on his computer and found an AA meeting just around the corner. My sponsor has a friend who's a leprechaun, he came over and "Glamoured"  me up a bit to pass as a human, and off I went. It was in the back room of a little church a couple of blocks away. I almost turned around right after I went in. I could barely breath in there. Let me tell you, I've been under some pretty dingy beds, thick with dirt and dust bunnies, but the amount of smoke in this room was so heavy, you could almost push it aside with your hands. I took a seat at the back, I couldn't really talk and share my stories. I mean, you really can't relate boozing it up and eating spoiled brats, they just don't relate well. So I sat there and listen to these people(while trying to hold my breath I might add) and I could sympathize with there plight. After about two hours I got a call from my sponsor, he found me a new place. Only child of a single parent that works double shifts, so she's never there, really the perfect place for someone like me, you know if I were still on the meat wagon. Anyway, I've got to get off of here and get my stuff packed. Oh the meeting did help some, the only thing I'm craving now is coffee and cigarettes, weird.