Unfinished Business and Other Follies

So, where to begin? I don't even know were to start. As you know the Kid has been having a tough time at school with the Junior Criminal Association. So a couple of nights ago I went down to his school to see if I could find out any useful information that might lead to an end of the harassment. After talking to a couple of bogies, I found out the leader of the group was a twelve year old named O'Brien. From what I hear he's been held back a year, he way more dumb that a person should be and is big enough to pass for a teacher. Well my two new acquaintances kindly gave me directions to his house. After that I went home to make plans, to figure out what it was I was going to do. Since I don't move around much in the day time, I sent a new friend of mine to recon the area around his house. His name is David, he's a gnome, a Gardner gnome to be exact. No, he not the David the Gnome. Yes he is short, but he doesn't have a fluffy white beard and a tall red hat. He looks more like a two foot tall version of "The Green Man" if you know what that is. He looks like a tiny pile of lawn clippings and he can hide very well. While he was gone gathering intel, I decided that the best way to stop this nonsense was to do what I do best! No, I'm not going to eat him, I'm gonna scare the bejezzis out of him. When I'm done scaring him he's gonna  feel the empty hole where is bejezzis used to be. Even if he doesn't know what a bejezzis is, he's gonna know its gone! Well Dave came back and gave me the lay of the land, told me the best way to get in and where I'd find him. I thanked Dave and headed out the door, as I was leaving he told me to be careful, that the family was Irish. I thought OK, whatever, and thanked him again and left. I mean who cares where their family is from right? What does that have to do with anything? Little did I know. I got there right after dark and sneaked my way into his room and under his bed and waited. The place was a mess, garbage every where. The place had a smell to it, it was ripe, by that I mean tantalizing and delicious. My mouth started watering and my stomach was rumbling. This was the room of a child so nasty and vile that I could live off the fumes he left behind. How was there no bed monster living here, this kid should have been devoured years ago from the smell of him. I just couldn't believe it. I laid in wait under the bed when around 10:00 pm he finally came to bed. I gave it until just after midnight to start, wanted to make sure he was good and asleep. He had one of those metal frame beds, so I started to drag my nails down the legs. He started to move at the long scraping sounds I was making. I dragged myself out making little noises here and there and I moved about the room. I could see he curled up under his blanket, scared but not real sure why or of what. I crept closer to the bed and the intoxicating aroma hit me square in the face. I was suddenly aware that I long pointed teeth, a mouth full of saliva and a hunger that needed to be filled. I leaned in close and drew a deep breath in through my nose, oh it had been so long, chip or not this brat needed to be ate. I couldn't help myself, my basic instincts had me now, I was on autopilot. I had my hands out stretched, about to grab him when I heard it. It was a scream so loud I almost wet myself! At first I though it was him then I realized it was coming from behind me. I whirled around to see this thin, pale, almost see through, lady floating behind me. She was dressed all in white, her gown flowed all around here. Her mouth just hung open and her screams seemed to be coming from all direction. Really she looked like she was drowning in mid air. I didn't know what to do, I freaked! She was going to wake up the whole house with that nonsense, so I lunged for her. Just as I tackled her out of the air, that's when the  closet door burst open with a loud bang. Seriously doesn't anyone care if there are people trying to sleep in this house? Four little guys came running out, I couldn't make out really what they looked like except that all of them were wearing littler collector's edition football helmets and were carrying what looked like weapons. They descended upon me and began beating me with what I figured out were golf clubs. I was rolling around on the floor trying to restrain this chic all while getting bludgeoned by sporting equipment. I knocked over a book shelf trying to kick one of them. I managed to clasp my hand over the lady's mouth and got to my feet. The little guys were clubbing at my shins so I booted one of them back into the closet and the other three back up to regroup. I turned towards my intended target. He was backed into the corner of his bed peering out of his covers. He was shaking bad and I could smell a little more that pee building up in his jammies. I leaned over him, grabbed the woman by both shoulders, of course she started wailing again. I open my mouth and shoved her in head first! I think she was still screaming, it was hard to tell cause once she was in up to her waist it started to get all muffled. She tickled going down and didn't taste to bad either, like a combination of spider webs and cotton candy. If I had to label it, I'd have to say this is definitely what gossamer tastes like. Because of my long neck and jaw muscles I have the ability to swallow things whole, very python looking, and she went down quick and smooth. Little did this punk know that this little act just saved his life cause I was now back to myself and remembered why I was there. I was just about put the final scare into him when something jumped on my back. The little monsters were on the attack, one of them clinging onto my shoulder. It sank its teeth into my neck and I screamed, I screamed loud. You'd have thought that the lady was climbing back out it was so loud! The one from the closet was back and was trying to stick me in the leg with the fork from a camping knife. With one hand I yanked the one off of my back and grab the little forker off the floor with the other. I smashed them together as hard as I could. They came together with a loud plastic on plastic smacking noise then they stopped moving. I actually managed to crack the helmet on the forker. The two on the floor froze and just blinked at me with their little golden eyes from under their headgear. I finally turned back and sunk my nails into the wall above my original target and leaned in close. Quietly but with the emphasis only a monster could put on a word I said "STOP BULLYING MY KID OR I'LL BE BACK!" He whimpered and nodded slightly and with that I walk over to his window, slid it open and disappeared outside. When I got home I found David waiting in the front yard for me and he asked me how it went. I retold my entire story for him and he just started laughing at me. When I asked him why he hadn't informed me of the other creatures living there. He said he had, he warned me they were an Irish family. So now I know what that means. Apparently the Irish have their own monsters and whatnot's that live with and watch over them. I found out that the lady was a Banshee, she appears when someone in her family is about to die and cries for them, very loudly I might add. The little guys were Pooka's, little trickster things that like messing with humans but very territorial. David says the Irish guys are pretty tough so he figures I just knocked the two out and didn't do any real harm. Says I should probably watch out for awhile though, they hold grudges pretty good. He also said that since the Banshee is more of a spirit than anything else she'll probably reform after all her parts are available. You know when she's officially left the building if you know what I'm saying. You'll be happy to know that the Kid has a hassle free time at school since my little adventure, of course O'Brien hasn't been back and from what I hear his folks are taking him to a therapist. Well I've got a meeting tonight and since I didn't eat any children(don't think Banshees count) I should be on track for my one month chip. Wish me luck and I'll try to update after the meeting to let you know how it went.